from my notebook

My head is full of thoughts, and I have to write them down.

Out of Focus Ramblings

I love the freedom of structuring my days however I choose. Freedom and structure may not seem to go together very well, but that’s just me. No matter how much freedom I tend to have, there almost always ends up being structure to my routine.

I’ve found I waste time if I don’t have structure. I’m not as productive and end up feeling like I haven’t accomplished much of anything. Lest I give you the wrong idea, I “structure” in down time, usually around the same times every day. So I take advantage of my freedom to structure.

My problem is I struggle with what to fill the work times with. I have plenty to do. I just don’t know where to focus my attention and energy. I have projects and things I want or need to do, but I don’t know where to start. Perhaps it’s a common quandary with the unemployed or self-employed with not enough paying work on the list yet.

I’ve narrowed it down to two options: focus on preparing myself for what God has next for me, or focus on doing something to make money. It would be nice if both things choices were the same thing. But I don’t know what God has next for me, and he isn’t offering any hints. Focusing on making money seems like a no brainer, but there’s only so much one can do toward that that doesn’t interfere with the first option, assuming I could acquire a job outside of God’s will just to make money.

I may be making this all more difficult and confusing than it should be, but I suppose God has me in this unfocused place for a reason. Now if I just knew what that was, so I could get past it…


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